Why Couples with Children Must Always Choose Each Other First

Parenthood is a beautiful and transformative journey, filled with laughter, chaos and deep love. But in the midst of school runs, late-night feedings, homework deadlines and weekend sports, couples often find themselves drifting apart without realising it. The reality is that children grow up and eventually leave to build their own lives. Careers evolve, friendships change and responsibilities shift. The only constant from the beginning to the end is your life partner—the person you chose to build a life with. That’s why prioritising your relationship above all else isn’t just beneficial; it’s essential for long-term happiness.

Why Prioritising Your Partner Matters

Your relationship is the foundation of your family. A strong, loving partnership creates a stable, secure and happy home for your children. When kids see their parents genuinely in love, they grow up with a healthy model of what a good relationship looks like. Conversely, a neglected marriage can lead to emotional disconnect, resentment and, ultimately, the breakdown of the relationship.

Choosing your partner first doesn’t mean neglecting your children—it means ensuring that the love that brought them into the world remains strong. When couples nurture their bond, they create a home filled with warmth, security and love that benefits the entire family. A happy and connected couple fosters a more positive, relaxed environment where children feel safe and supported.

Many couples who fail to prioritise their relationship often find themselves as empty nesters, looking at each other like strangers. It’s no surprise that divorce rates peak in the late 40s to early 50s when children leave home. Years of focusing solely on parenting without maintaining a strong connection can leave partners feeling disconnected, leading to emotional distance and, in some cases, separation.

Ways to Keep Your Love Strong

1. Daily Check-ins

In the whirlwind of parenting, even a few minutes of intentional connection can make a world of difference. Take a moment each day—whether over coffee, in bed before sleep, or a quick phone call—to check in with each other. Ask how their day was, share a laugh, or just hold hands in silence. Small moments of connection build an unshakable bond.

2. Regular Date Nights

Time alone as a couple is not a luxury—it’s a necessity. Schedule date nights regularly, even if it’s just a cosy dinner at home after the kids are asleep. Prioritising one-on-one time keeps the romance alive and reminds you why you fell in love in the first place. If possible, arrange a babysitter and go out for dinner, take a weekend getaway, or engage in activities that bring you closer.

3. Speak Their Love Language

Everyone experiences love differently. Whether it’s words of affirmation, physical touch, acts of service, quality time, or gifts, learning and speaking your partner’s love language is a powerful way to maintain intimacy. Make a conscious effort to meet their emotional needs in a way that truly resonates with them.

4. Keep the Intimacy Alive

Physical and emotional intimacy is the glue that holds a relationship together. Kiss each other hello and goodbye, flirt, send sweet messages and prioritise intimacy in the bedroom. A passionate relationship doesn’t happen by accident—it requires effort and intention. Explore new ways to keep things exciting and never stop discovering each other.

5. Be Each Other’s Biggest Cheerleader

Life throws challenges at every couple. From career changes to parenting struggles, the key to longevity is unwavering support. Celebrate each other’s wins, encourage dreams and stand side by side through the tough times. Knowing your partner always has your back strengthens the bond immeasurably.

6. Have Fun Together

Laughter is one of the best ways to keep love alive. Engage in activities that bring joy—play a game, dance in the kitchen, watch a comedy, or relive inside jokes. Fun moments remind you that beyond being parents, you’re also best friends. Try new hobbies together, take a spontaneous road trip, or revisit a place from your early dating days.

7. Handle Conflict with Love

Disagreements are inevitable, but how you handle them determines the strength of your relationship. Avoid blame and criticism; instead, approach issues as a team. Listen, communicate openly and resolve conflicts with love and respect. Rather than letting small irritations build up, address concerns early and always choose kindness.

8. Make Future Plans Together

As the kids grow and become more independent, it’s important to have shared dreams for the future. Talk about travel plans, hobbies you want to pick up, or even retirement goals. Having something to look forward to as a couple keeps your connection vibrant and exciting. Planning your future together reminds you that your relationship extends far beyond your parenting years.

9. Show Appreciation Daily

Never take your partner for granted. Express gratitude for the small things—whether it’s making a cup of tea, packing lunch, or handling the bedtime routine. A simple ‘thank you’ or ‘I appreciate you’ can go a long way in making your partner feel valued and loved.

10. Maintain Open and Honest Communication

A strong relationship thrives on open and honest communication. Talk about your feelings, dreams and concerns regularly. Be vulnerable with each other, and ensure that both partners feel heard and respected. Avoid bottling up emotions—sharing openly fosters trust and deepens your connection.

Final Thoughts

Your children are a precious part of your journey, but your partner is the one who will be there long after the house is quiet. A strong relationship is the greatest gift you can give not only to each other but to your children as well. By choosing each other first, you create a loving, secure home that fosters happiness for everyone.

Many couples reach a point where their children have left and they realise they barely know each other anymore. Don’t let that be your story. Keep nurturing your bond, keep choosing each other, and let your love be the anchor that lasts a lifetime.