How to Talk to Your Partner About Working with a Sex & Intimacy Coach

Choosing to work with a sex coach or sign up for a program to improve your intimacy as a couple is a powerful step. It shows you're committed to looking after yourself, your partner and your relationship. It’s an investment in your connection, pleasure and long-term happiness.

Even when you feel safe and loved in your relationship, bringing up intimate topics can still be daunting. It’s normal to feel a bit nervous about having this kind of conversation, especially when it touches on something as sensitive as sex. You might worry about being judged, about hurting your partner's feelings, or about feeling vulnerable. It’s all part of the process.

But here’s the thing: avoiding the conversation doesn’t make the problem go away. The longer you leave it, the bigger the tension builds and it can start to impact the rest of your relationship. Addressing it now, while things are still manageable, is key to avoiding unnecessary strain later on.

Take Rachel (names have been changed for privacy) as an example. Rachel came to me because she and her partner had been feeling disconnected sexually. The passion had faded and she didn’t feel as emotionally and physically connected as she once did. She was embarrassed at first—thinking that she shouldn’t need to work with a coach—but eventually, she worked up the courage to talk to her partner about how she was feeling. Much to her surprise, he was not only supportive, but relieved that she’d brought it up. It led to them both committing to work with a coach to reignite their intimacy. Now, they feel more connected than ever.

This is why working with a coach is so powerful—it’s not about fixing something "broken," but about strengthening your connection and nurturing your intimacy in a way that brings both joy and fulfilment.

Why You’re Not Alone in Feeling Nervous

Many people feel unsure about how to bring this up with their partner and that’s completely normal. The fear of rejection or judgement can be overwhelming. It’s something we’ve all felt when approaching uncomfortable conversations. But the truth is, the fear of not having the conversation is far greater. If you stay silent, things don’t get better—they fester.

It’s ok to not know how to start this conversation. Most of us weren’t taught the skills to navigate difficult subjects like intimacy. We don’t have all the answers. And that’s why it’s completely understandable to be scared. But the act of facing that fear head-on shows how much you care. It shows that you’re not willing to settle for a mediocre relationship—you want something deeper, more connected and more satisfying.

It took me time to build the courage to speak up about my own struggles and I get it—it’s not easy. But when you work through that fear, that’s when the real magic happens.

What Happens If You Don’t Have This Conversation?

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When we ignore issues like intimacy or connection, they don’t just disappear. They quietly build into frustration and resentment. What started as a small, manageable problem can quickly snowball into bigger relationship issues. Your emotional connection fades. Your intimacy becomes more of a routine than a fulfilling experience.

You might feel increasingly disconnected, but without addressing it, things won’t improve. The silence and distance only make the problem worse. Over time, you can begin to feel more like housemates than lovers. That’s a painful place to be.

That’s why it’s so important to have the conversation now, before the problem grows any bigger. If you don’t, you risk facing years of emotional and physical distance—and that’s a heavy price to pay.

Sample Conversations You Could Have

Here are some conversation starters to help guide you through this important chat:

Sample 1: Bringing Up the Need for Help

You: “Hey, hun, I’ve been thinking about something for a while now and I’d really like to talk to you about it. I feel like our sex life has become a bit routine and I miss the closeness and passion we used to share. I’d love for us to work with a coach to explore ways to reconnect and reignite that spark. How do you feel about that?”

Partner: “I had no idea you were feeling this way, but I’m glad you brought it up. I’m definitely open to giving it a go. Let’s do it.”

Sample 2: Addressing Fears and Building Trust

You: “I’ve been feeling a bit disconnected from you lately and I think we could benefit from some outside support to bring us closer again. I was thinking about working with a sex & intimacy coach. I know it’s a big step, but I really think it could help us. What do you think?”

Partner: “I’m glad you’re bringing this up. I’ve noticed some distance between us too. I’m open to working with a coach. Let’s talk more about it.”

Sample 3: Reaffirming Your Desire for Connection

You: “I want us to feel more connected in every way and I think working with a coach could help us get there. We’ve been together for a while now and I want us to keep growing together. Would you be open to exploring that with me?”

Partner: “I like the idea of us growing together and getting even closer. Let’s give it a try.”

Now is the Time to Act

This conversation can feel intimidating, but it’s important to remember: the sooner you address these issues, the sooner you’ll experience the relief and intimacy that comes from reconnecting with each other.

By taking this step, you’re showing your partner that you care enough to invest in the health of your relationship. You’re not avoiding the difficult conversations. You’re making your intimacy a priority.

So, don’t wait for things to get worse. Start the conversation now and work together to create a more passionate, fulfilling connection. Book your roadmap call today and take that first step towards a more vibrant, connected intimate life.

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